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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29950632">Larry-oke 14: The New Guy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier'>SRassier</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Larry-oke [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Humor, Karaoke, Larry tries to Parent-trap Five and Delores, New guy is confused, Wedding invites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:42:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29950632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a new bartender at Hannigan's bar. He meets the Hargreeves. Hilarity ensues. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, Larry is desperate to get Five back to "normal" and Diego is Herb's wingman.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dolores/Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Larry-oke [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Larry-oke 14: The New Guy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song list!</p>
<p>Anything Goes from the play Anything Goes<br/>Ride Like the Wind by Christopher Cross<br/>I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston<br/>Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra<br/>It’s Hard to Be Humble by Mac Davis<br/>Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie was more excited to start his new job than he had been in a long while. He just finished bartending school and heard that Hannigan’s was THE place to be on a Saturday so of course it was the first place he applied. They were hiring more staff because for the past couple of years apparently the weekly karaoke party became so popular, the owner had to buy a new place and move the entire bar into a bigger building.</p>
<p>He had spent the last hour getting a quick rundown of things from Anthony. They were going to throw him in the deep end and see how he does. He thought he was ready, then he met them. He was chatting with Anthony when Stacy joined them at the bar. Anthony turned to the woman, “Is there a reason you set up for Larry tonight?”<br/>
“Yeah.” Stacy walked behind the bar and started setting up her station for the night. “He assured me that he had a plan to get rid of my little…problem. All I had to do is set up for him so he could get here late.”</p>
<p>Eddie didn’t want to pry but Stacy herself said that he should feel like part of the team and that he could ask her anything. “Sorry to butt in but, what little problem.”<br/>
“Her ex.” Eddie looked to the voice and saw a man clad in skinny leather pants, a deep blue tunic cut near to his navel and thick black eyeshadow. The man climbed up to kneel on a barstool, threw his body across the bar, grabbed Anthony by the collar of his tee shirt and yanked the bartender into a kiss that caused Eddie’s eyes to widen and his jaw to drop. Stacy didn’t seem phased at the PDA and snapped at the thin man, “He’s not my EX!!! We had sex one time and the little weirdo has become obsessed.”</p>
<p>“My ears are burning Stacy.” Eddie turned around to see the strangest group of people and knew immediately that this must be the group that Mr. Hannigan had talked about. He told him that there is a strange family that has turned Larry-oke into the talk of the town. If there were a stranger looking family, Eddie did not want to meet them. The owner of the voice was a teenage boy who hauled himself up onto a barstool and smirked as Stacy turned around to grab a bottle of top shelf bourbon and a glass. She poured the drink and slid it to the kid all the while staring daggers at him. “Not interested, Five.”<br/>
“Yeah now.” He lifted the drink to his lips and took a sip. “But as you know, there is no one on earth more patient than me. I waited 45 years for a cup of coffee.” He left the steaming barkeep with a wink and he turned around and strode to the big table in the corner. </p>
<p>“Sorry.” The little mousy one offered as Stacy poured the girl a vodka tonic.<br/>
“It’s fine. Larry said he’s taking care of it.”<br/>
“Oh man, he sure is!” The skinny guy (Klaus, Eddie would soon learn) piped in. “And I got to tell you…it’s a good plan.”<br/>
“Wait…you know?” Anthony chuckled. “You can’t keep a secret to save your life babe.”<br/>
“I know!!” He took the glass of water Stacy passed to him and grabbed the little yellow umbrella that Anthony was holding out. He stuck the umbrella in the water and continued. “But Larry needed a key to the house, and he knew I’d be otherwise occupied.” Klaus nearly dropped his drink as he shifted to grab something out of his bag. “OH shit, that reminds me.” He pulled out an envelope and handed it to Stacy as Eddie started mixing the Screwdriver for the pretty black woman before grabbing a beer for the big guy.<br/>
“What’s this?”<br/>
“Wedding invite bitch!” </p>
<p>Eddie watched with fascination as the self-proclaimed “bad ass bitch” giggled as she rounded the bar to pull Klaus into a hug. The group started to settle and head over to their table as Klaus addressed Eddie. “Sorry new guy, no invite for you. Seeing as one of the grooms and one of the bridesmaids are your co-workers, someone has to hold down the fort.”<br/>
“It’s cool, congrats.” Eddie smiled. “Anthony is a lucky guy.”<br/>
“Ooh,” Klaus gave Anthony another peck on the cheek. “I like him.” He sipped on his water as he walked back to his family and Eddie turned to his co-workers. “They always that chaotic?”<br/>
“You think that’s chaotic?” Stacy snickered as Anthony tried to hold his own laughter in. “The show hasn’t even started yet.”</p>
<p>Anthony and Stacy went about their business, but Eddie just stood there staring. “Um, Stacy?”<br/>
“Yes sir”<br/>
“Again, I try to stay out of people’s business but…um…did you sleep with that kid?”<br/>
Stacy’s head snapped to Anthony as he let out a snort. Slowly twisting her head back in the direction of her trainee. “It’s a long story. All you need to know is that he was much older when it happened.” She turned back to a group of guys to take their order and Eddie ran the statement around in his head trying to make it make sense. Before he could, the door opened, and he heard a noise from the corner of the room that could only be described as a yelp. </p>
<p>Half of the eyes in the bar seemed to either be on Five standing in the corner of the room with his jaw on the floor, and the other half were gawking at Larry strolling up to the stage with a half of a mannequin under his arm. He set the doll on a barstool and Eddie startled at the site of the kid literally disappearing from his spot at the table and reappearing next to Larry. The younger of the two had some heated words for Larry but the taller man simply brushed him off and grabbed a microphone, ready to start his show.</p>
<p>The kid huffed and in the same bit of magic, teleported back to his seat and sat down with a hard thud, arms crossed, face fixed with a scowl. Larry just smiled and addressed the crowd. “Good evening ladies and gents and welcome to the new and improved Hannigan’s bar. It’s Saturday night and you know what that means…it’s time for…” Larry held the microphone out to the crowd and Eddie was startled when the room erupted in a chorus of ‘LARRY-OKE!’. “That’s right, it’s your old pal Larry here to spin some tunes so you can spit some lyrics. There are books on the tables but if you don’t see something you want, let me know…I may have some surprises up my sleeve.”</p>
<p>Larry cued up a song and joyfully announced, “Come on up Allison, get us started!” Eddie watched as the beautiful woman sitting at the weirdo table strolled up and took the mic from Larry. The music started and Eddie was treated to a wonderful version of Anything Goes from the stage play. He was pleasantly surprised that the very first person at karaoke was very good. He smiled and sang along as he got into a rhythm of serving his new customers.</p>
<p>The next few songs went very much like your average karaoke night. The big guy came up and sang Ride Like the Wind, channeling his inner yacht rock, and another gal was called up to give a terrible attempt at a Reba Macintyre song. Eddie was starting to wonder what the hell this place had, that garnered a larger building and such a cult following. As if he could read his mind, Larry soon answered Eddie’s inner query.</p>
<p>The DJ cued up another song and no shit, pulled the stool with the mannequin up to sit in front of the damn microphone. “What the hell?” Eddie whispered and a few of the guys sitting at the bar chuckled as they went back to their drinks as Eddie became fixated on the stage. The soft piano music started, and Eddie cast a few glances around the room. </p>
<p>The kid was making a point to NOT look at the stage, Larry was watching the grumpy teen with a hopeful look, and Stacy may have actually been praying. Back to the doll, and Eddie nearly lost it when the lyrics started scrolling across the screen and not a damn sound exited the stage. He wasn’t sure what he expected but the kid was clearly reading the monitor where the words were displayed. </p>
<p>‘Share my life<br/>
Take me for what I am<br/>
'Cause I'll never change<br/>
All my colors for you<br/>
Take my love<br/>
I'll never ask for too much<br/>
Just all that you are<br/>
And everything that you do’</p>
<p>Eddie really loved Whitney Houston but hearing just the cheesy karaoke backing music of I Have Nothing with no one singing was truly the strangest thing he had ever experienced.</p>
<p>When the song ended, Eddie could have been knocked over by a feather when the crowd erupted into cheers aimed at the damn mannequin. He watched as the crowd died down and Larry picked up another slip off his desk. The weirdos kept their eyes on the kid and when they seemed convinced that he wasn’t going anywhere, the man dressed all in black got up and retrieved the dummy. He walked back to the table and gingerly set her on the empty chair next to the brooding boy. </p>
<p>Eddie tried to throw himself into his work, serving people left and right and helping to fill the waitress’ trays. This place may be strange, but it was his job and he wasn’t going to half-ass it, even if he kept one eye on the kid in the corner who kept bouncing back and forth between pouting at his family and seemingly arguing with the mannequin. </p>
<p>Eddie thought that the kid was going to be the only strange thing he would see but just about an hour into the evening, the door opened and in walked a sweet looking older lady and a little dude, both of them dressed like they were headed to an office job in the 1950s. The leather guy jumped out of his seat and yelled out, “Herbie!” and the two proceeded to do a handshake reminiscent of him and his buddies back in middle school.</p>
<p>As the little mousy one started singing Bang Bang, by Nancy Sinatra, the man (Diego) threw his arm around Herb and led him to the bar, calling out to Eddie as they approached, “Two Dos Equis my man.” Eddie scrambled for the beers and when he brought them over, he heard Diego telling Herb that ‘tonight is his night.’ He and Herb clinked bottles, and both took a sip as Diego started laying out his plan to be the perfect wingman for his little companion.</p>
<p>When it was Herb’s turn at the mic, he started walking up to the stage, throwing a look back at Diego. The taller man gave him a reassuring shove, telling him that “chicks dig a sense of humor…you got this bro.” Herb climbed up on stage and took the mic from Larry and when the music started up, he began, “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way…” A few women started to giggle at the end of the bar and Diego swooped in behind them as Herb continued, “I can't wait to look in the mirror, Cause I get better looking each day.”</p>
<p>Eddie marveled at the master as Diego wormed his way in between the women and casually announced, “That’s my boy Herbie.”<br/>
“He’s so cute,” one of the women said. The other gave her friend a look of disbelief.<br/>
“Yeah.” Diego took another sip of his beer as herb could be heard in the background, ‘Oh Lord It's hard to be humble, But I'm doing the best that I can.’ “He’s a great guy, too. Super smart, really takes care of his friends.” Eddie saw the second woman roll her eyes, but he knew that the first girl was beat when Diego sighed, “He saved my life once you know.”<br/>
“He did?” </p>
<p>Diego smiled as Herb was leading a sing along in the background. “Yeah. I was getting my ass kicked by some dudes in an alley and he came in and saved me. He’s a tough little dude.”<br/>
The woman all but swooned. “I love a man who takes care of his friends.”<br/>
The second woman leaned a little closer to Diego. “And I love a man who will do anything for his.” The look on Diego’s face told Eddie that this was not his intention, but Diego shot him a wink that said, ‘hey…just go with it right?’</p>
<p>Back on stage, Herb was crooning the ridiculous lyrics; “Some folks say that I'm egotistical, Hell I don't even know what that means. I guess it has something to do with the way…” He turned his back side to the crowd and wiggled it a bit as he sang, “…that I fill out my skintight blue jeans”<br/>
The crowd went nuts as he finished up the song and when he hopped off the stage, Diego called him to follow himself and the two girls and the foursome grabbed an empty table in the back.</p>
<p>Eddie thought to himself as the evening started to wrap up that he truly had seen everything. It wasn’t until Larry called out the number Five and the bar got eerily silent that he even remembered the kid was still stewing in the corner. He stood up, fixed his tie, and in a show of false grace, strolled up to the stage and took the mic from Larry. He did not, however climb on the stage. Instead, he took the mic back to his seat and had you told Eddie this morning that he was going to witness a teenager serenading a freaking mannequin he would have laughed in your face and yet…here we are.</p>
<p>Larry pushed play and Eddie could feel Stacy relax from the other side of the dang room as the kid started singing, “If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do, is to save every day til eternity passes away just to spend them with you.” There was not a dry eye in the house as the boy finished his song and Larry quietly walked over and took the mic back as the kid hugged the mannequin. Eddie reached down and pinched himself on the arm to make sure he was awake. Yup…not a dream.</p>
<p>The crowd started to dissipate and Eddie headed over to talk to Stacy and Anthony about his first night. He reached them just as Larry did and Stacy pulled the DJ into a big hug. “I can never repay you enough for that.”<br/>
“Aw, it was my pleasure.” Larry smiled as his sipped on his water. “Besides, he’s much more tolerable to everyone when Delores is by his side.”<br/>
“Delores?” Eddie couldn’t help but think… ‘of course her name is Delores.’</p>
<p>The group was interrupted by the sounds of two girls giggling as they were being herded out of the bar by Diego and Herb. Of course, they got the girls, Eddie thought, why not? He stiffened when he saw the kid (Five, Eddie supposed) walk up behind them all, mannequin tucked under his arm. “Stacy, I’d like to apologize.”<br/>
She didn’t speak, just let the kid say his piece. “I should have never led you on like that when my heart still belonged to another.” Part of Eddie thought that this was none of his business, but the other part thought that wild horses could not tear him away from hearing this. That part won.</p>
<p>“I know that I’m insane. I know that Delores is a manifestation of my subconscious that I created to cope with being alone for so long. I also know that without some kind of therapy I may never fully integrate into normal society.” Eddie didn’t even try to hide it when he leaned forward and propped himself up on his elbows on the bar to listen. “For a moment in time this past summer, I felt real. I would like to thank you for the wonder time we had together, but I think we all have to accept that maybe this hunk of plastic is all that I’ll ever really be emotional stable enough to have in my life and you know what? I’m ok with that.”</p>
<p>Eddie stood in awe of this kid and was about to comment when Larry deadpanned, “You’re gonna go home and have sex with that mannequin aren’t you?”<br/>
“Yes Larry, yes I am.” </p>
<p>Eddie’s eyes were the size of saucers as the kid turned and left the bar. Stacy waved her hand in front of his face to get him out of this trance. “So, I guess this is your last night huh?”<br/>
“Are you kidding?” Eddie smiled. “I’d work here for free!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Holy crap! Larry-oke 14!! Thanks for all of you who are sticking with my insane series. We should have a party at 15.</p>
<p>As always: song suggestions and comments are always welcome!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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